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Would she be in a class with other kids she knows? While my head can't stop playing through a million questions that will never be answered, we are filled with the same emptiness we've felt for the last five years only amplified.
He loved them, like blood. And if you're lucky it'll flourish into something much stronger than it was before. She has taught me that it's truly ok to be happy, to love, to smile, to laugh. Or the Alvarezes.”.
We don't get to see most of Schneider's relapse, including the first time he had another drink. The image of a Schneider-less life came to her unwanted, flashing before her eyes like a macabre film reel. I didn't stay up way too late trying to be the crafty mom creating first day photo props. They do not deserve to be treated as a joke.
She was the only one to come. Like I was ready to pack her up and move on. My thoughts. Running, talking, playing, potty trained, independent yet still in need of good snuggles.
She was 29/30ish weeks pregnant and expecting her second. She even checked in on us after we were moved from labor and delivery to the mom/baby side on her next shift, we weren't even her patients anymore.
The clock just hit midnight and just like that, it's June 12th...again, I've been laying in bed for over an hour trying to will myself to sleep and stop my mind from wandering to no avail. I went to a baby shower for a dear friend when I was just 13 weeks pregnant with Avery. It seemed like it would be a life sentence of misery. tip: "uchiha sasuke/uzumaki naruto" angst kudos>10, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings (6), Alex Alvarez/Original Male Character(s) (1), Schneider (One Day at a Time)/Original Male Character(s) (1), Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Alex Alvarez is bi as hell and he doesn't know it yet, Schneider gives Penelope some home truths, She tries to grapple with what that could mean, 'schneider's choice' series from penelope's pov, I should have just made this a WIP I know sorry, i can’t believe you get to me the way you do somehow, Penelope gets an earful every time Schneider gets laid, Penelope’s gut is maybe trying to tell her things, Things about her and Schneider’s relationship, or butter or anything else she rationalizes to herself, Schneider doesn't realise just how much time he spends with the Alvarezes, reading part one isn't essential to read part two but is recommended and appreciated anyway, continuation of Schneider's Choice series, I wrote this instead of writing an actual homework assignment oops. This knowledge and the loss of your naivety wears on your emotions. And I've got to be quite honest, some days I just don't know how many more tragic stories of childless or tragic loss my weak heart can bear.
When he saw the “(No Subject)” email, and processed the date, he nearly didn’t open it. I remember the timeline. As we watch them grow, we all tell ourselves that time just needs to slow down but they keep growing nevertheless. Knowing your hopes, dreams and the future you saw for your child would never come to be.
That sweet mom lost her child a few hours later.
I looked forward to Avery being just 2.5 months younger than one of my best friends kids.
"Schneider looked down at her and the pain in her expression hurt in ways he could never put into words.
There weren't new first day traditions started. God, Schneider was unreal sometimes.
She just thinks she is seeing her sissy and getting to play.
Then you blink a few times and it's time for kindergarten. The world would be a better place if it were filled with selfless people like you! Her absence from the first day of school going unnoticed by everyone sitting in that classroom as my mind continues to race full of questions about who she would have been?
I've come to a place where I don't have to do the outward things to feel like her mom. I did. tip: "uchiha sasuke/uzumaki naruto" angst kudos>10. They helped me see an error in a pronoun for Syd. And rightfully so. I'm annoyed at myself but have now changed it. Would she continually shock us with her smarts?
are on three years ago. As time has pushed us forward, I spend less time there but when we do go, Harper has made the visits even more special.
I have no idea when her first tooth would have broken through, when she would have spoken her first word or when she would have taken her first wobbly steps. Those people are the real joke. Me?
Please consider turning it on! I would rather they be fighting as they grow up over silly things. Yet it's killing me that the memories are getting fuzzy. Harper's visits to the cemetery are far from what I would have imagined growing up.
I don't have to prove to anyone she existed. Since losing Avery, I've found the cemetery where she is buried to be a rather beautiful location. I don't know the mom, I don't know the child and up until 5 minutes before that call came through, I didn't even know this manager.
And six days later, as she was finishing an overnight shift upstairs, she came down to us when heard what had happened to Avery and that we were in the ER. THE TAGS LIST WILL BE UPDATED WITH MORE TRIGGER WARNINGS AS MORE CHAPTERS ARE POSTED.
Didn’t she realize that after all these years he was never pretending to be part of the family. It's not the natural order of things yet every single day, I'm reminded that it happens and often. But in that moment, my heart absolutely broke for all of them.
Some days, I'm ready to throw in the towel and retreat into a makeshift bubble where I'm not surrounded by it all anymore.
How could she think that her family wasn’t important to him?". And since that horrid day, she's checked in with us, sent encouraging words, she supports my work to help others, she has worn a pink Avery bracelet and shown her love for Avery. If you asked my family how the past year had been, they’d all say it was great, amazing, fantastic. Tears...heads hung low...maybe something dark and creepy straight out of a scary movie? They helped me see an error in a pronoun for Syd.
I've struggled a lot this week with simply just being overwhelmed with the awful things that happen in this world. Her first year of life was trying to say the least. Friends, coworkers, strangers - I hear their stories of loss oh so often. My friend and her family came to visit. If you have triggers, please read at your own risk. Follows three generations of the same Cuban-American family living in the same house: a newly divorced former military mother, her teenage daughter and tween son, and her old-school mother. Doctors often get so much credit for all they do and while I don't want to discount their amazing work, tonight I want to give insight into just how much this nurse means to me (sorry Dr. T, you know I love you)! Would she be well behaved or too talkative?
Harper doesn't grasp where we are, what she's doing there or even that, to most, the cemetery is a sad place. They were a scary, maybe even taboo place, that I wanted to stay far away from. After Victor's wedding, Schneider and Avery have a heart to heart. When you imagine pictures being taken at a cemetery, what would you imagine? The story of a mom trying to figure out life without her daughter...one day at a time. If you asked me how the past year has been, I would say it was great, too—but unlike them, I’d also be lying.
In a moment an entire future was gone. But this is what we get.
And not knowing how you could possibly take that next breath.
I think I will forever question God as to why parents have to bury their babies. His eyes burned with unshed tears as he saw Avery begin to cry, her dark eyes large and shimmery behind her glasses, as she caught her breath, clearly not done. She could have cared for us that one night and disappeared but she didn't. But as I've been doing for almost 3 years now, I plan to just take it one day at a time and see where I end up. How could she think that her family wasn’t important to him?". My nurse, we shall call her nurse P, held my hand through painful contractions when my epidural wasn't working. Well, not like his blood, because his blood was awful. Who goes from having a great day to a heap of a person sobbing on the floor? single. We don't get to see most of Schneider's relapse, including the first time he had another drink.
She monitored my vitals and Avery's vitals as labor was slow yet quick. And while I am glad she likes visiting this place, I hate that this will be part of her relationship with her big sister. She was up all night with us through the delivery. Please.”.
It surrounds us daily. We took a photo of all 5 of us, varying bump sizes.
This, unfortunately, will be her norm. Why let this happen? At least for now, Harper doesn't grasp what we are all missing out on.
And as Harper continues to grow, the fears of losing her grow too.
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